


My Boo

by Danger_Mouse



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Clarke can see Lexa, Dead Lexa (The 100), Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Ghost Lexa (The 100), Ghosts, Halloween Post, Minor Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Sad Clarke Griffin, completed work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Mouse/pseuds/Danger_Mouse
Summary: “I don’t know what’s more unfortunate.” Lexa had told her once early on. “The fact that I’m dead or that I’m stuck for eternity looking like an ass-hat.”Clarke thought it was cute. Especially when Lexa showed up while Clarke was at work and helping a client or in the middle of one of Clarke’s lectures or her favorite, while Clarke was walking across the stage to receive her diploma. Clarke could swear she had seen a ghost blush that day.orLexa is a ghost from the 90's who has attached herself to a future Clarke Griffin where neither of them quite understand the finer details of the afterlife.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Jake Griffin, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 66
Kudos: 335





	1. Chapter 1

“Home.” Clarke sighs as she breathes in the smell of stale air and stands amongst the dust particles floating in the air of the empty entry way, the light illuminating them as they shift around her. The space is barren save for the handful of cardboard boxes pushed against the far corner of the room. 

“What do you think?” Clarke asks the empty room.

“It’s...cozy.” 

“Well, yeah.” Clarke shrugs her shoulders in agreement. “But it’s cute right?”

“Sure.” The voice responds, pitch higher than normal.

“You don’t like it.’’ Clarke said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you don’t.” 

“No.”

“Lexa.” Clarke sighs. “It’s not my fault you failed to show up for all the appointments with the realtor.”

“You’re right.” Lexa said. “But you know I don’t have much control over that.”

Frustrated, Clarke forces her tired body into the main living space, her ghost following her silently. 

“Don’t be mad.” Lexa says softly, a gentle press of her form against Clarke’s back in comfort. “Please. Show me our new home.”

So Clarke does. She shows Lexa the old hardwood floors under the stained green carpet that ran through the small two story home. She waved her arms broadly at the built-in shelves lining the back wall of the little room in the far corner of the home and smiled proudly at the open attic space turned bedroom upstairs and its adjoining bathroom with clawfoot tub. 

“Ah. Now I see why you chose this house.” Lexa teases once she spots the tub and small hexagonal tiles making up the floor. “You love this shit.”

“And you do too.” Clarke smiles, sitting on the edge of the tub and looking hopefully up at Lexa. She really is tired. Lexa can see it in the dark circles under her normally bright blue eyes and the way her blonde hair is pulled messily into a greasy bun that had been slept in at least once. 

“I would if I could feel it. Mostly I just like seeing you enjoy it.” 

“If that was the case, why do you end up  _ in  _ my tub nearly every time I take a bath now.” Clarke teases.

“Like I said.” Lexa shrugs. “Out of my control.” 

“Hmm.” Clarke humms, taking in Lexa’s form in front of her. “You ok?”

“Besides the obvious?” Lexa says dryly. “I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

“I know I look like shit but...you look off too.” Clarke contemplates, tilting her head to take Lexa in slowly. Her eyes taking in the length of her form.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Clarke.” Lexa huffs. “You and I both know I haven’t changed since the first time you saw me.” 

“Still though…” 

“Still no.” Lexa says, putting an end to Clarke’s questioning. If she was being completely honest she was the closest thing to tired she could imagine being tired felt like. She couldn’t really remember the sensation anymore. Leaving Clarke’s childhood home with her when she went to college was hard but she still had that home to fall back on. Clarke was still there most weekends and if Lexa needed, she could go back there during the week to recharge. But now the house was sold and Clarke’s old bedroom was a home gym now. Lexa knew. She checked. A home gym for complete strangers that Lexa had no intention of getting to know. That room in that house had been Lexa’s center for years. But now Clarke was that. She had been that for some time now but the shift had been hard for Lexa, as welcome as it was. It was comforting to know that the house was always there to fall back on during an off day. Without it the strain to stay with Clarke was harder. Where would Lexa come to next if she let the feeling of Clarke’s warmth slip through her fingers? 

“Are you lying to me, Alexandria?” Clarke breaks Lexa’s thoughts. 

“Of course I am.” Lexa smirks. “Look. I love the house, Clarke. I can’t wait to watch you make it your home.”   
  


“Lex.” Clarke sighs and looks down to her knitted hands. “It’s  _ our  _ home.” When she looks up Lexa is gone. “Our home, Lex.” Clarke says to empty space and heaves herself up from the tub. 

Graduating high school and going to college was scary for Clarke. Lexa never really seemed to have a rhyme or reason for when she showed up. Nor did she have any control of it. But they both knew that Lexa was tied to Clarke’s room. That’s where they had first met. It was where Lexa always fell back to and the place she showed herself most once she had attached herself to Clarke. She would never tell Lexa this but Clarke chose the closest university to her childhood home for that reason. Lexa assured her she would be able to follow Clarke no matter where she went to school. They had fought over it. Lexa knew Clarke had her heart set on seeing the world. Getting a bachelors across the country and then a masters over sea. But Lexa could never understand that that was before she was in Clarke’s life. Neither of them chose it or could control it. But Clarke would never change it. That home and that room brought them together and Clarke couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Lexa behind when she had been alone in that space for countless years. 

So Clarke signed up for botany classes in her town's community college and stayed as close to her parents house as possible until she moved to finish her degree at the four year across the state. She knew it was hard on Lexa being away from the house. She showed up less frequently when Clarke skipped weekends at her parents house to stay in her dorm and cram for tests. Lexa would never say it but Clarke knew. The further away from the house and the more time spent away from it directly affected Lexa’s ability to come to Clarke. Once she had been gone for two months. That was the longest they had gone since the beginning. Clarke tried to hide it from Lexa at first. She didn’t want to upset her. Lexa was good at disappearing when she was upset too. Lexa found out pretty quickly though and Clarke ended up skipping classes the next two days for an unexpected trip home. She told her parents she was dealing with homesickness as Lexa cringed in the corner of the kitchen. 

When Clarke’s dad died just days after graduation, Lexa disappeared for six months. Clarke’s heart felt like it had been broken twice. She moved back home to take care of her grief stricken mother and spent countless days curled up on her childhood bed waiting for Lexa to return. When she finally did. The for sale sign was already up in front of the house and Clarke was crying in the tub of her bedroom's en suite bathroom. She had fought with her mother about selling the house. It was all they had left of her father. It was what tied Lexa to Clarke. But Abby didn’t get it. She only knew about her grief, not the dead girl that had been following Clarke around since she was twelve or the way walking into a home filled with loving memories made Clarke feel safe. Clarke had been frantic and her mother angry. Neither could understand the other's opinion and in the end Clarke gave up and hid away in her room unable to tell her mother about Lexa. 

One moment Clarke was silently crying in the tub, her fists pushed hard against her closed eyes, and the next Lexa was there and as real as she had ever felt in the tub with Clarke. Clarke could actually feel the weight of Lexa as she appeared laid out on top of her. The water level of the bath rose to spill its contents onto the floor below and Clarke swore she could  _ smell  _ Lexa. She smelt like ozone and something warmer. Like the bulk foods section of a health food store. They had touched before, or tried to. They could always kiss but trying to get under Lexa’s clothing was harder. Clarke had managed to slip her hand into Lexa’s shorts a few times but taking them off was impossible. Lexa however had the easier time pleasuring Clarke. Penetration was always a little tricky but Clarke preferred her mouth anyways. But this was the first time Lexa didn’t feel like a vapor ready to slip through Clarke’s fingers if she pulled too hard. 

And Lexa had been crying. She wrapped her arms around Clarke and bawled into her neck while asking for forgiveness. She kept saying she couldn’t save him and that she was sorry. “I couldn’t bring him back, Clarke.” She cried and Clarke was too stunned to do anything but hold the woman on top of her. They cried and held onto each other and when they both calmed down enough to realize Lexa was more physically present then she had ever been, they made love. Clarke stripped Lexa in the bath and took in her naked body greedily, groaning at every inch of wonderful skin revealed to her. Clarke could never forget the feel of Lexa’s cool mouth pressed hungrily against hers or the way she felt so strong and firm inside of her. So real. 

They made love in the bath and then Lexa carried Clarke to her bed and made love to her there. Tasting and touching each other until the sun came up the next day and up until Abby knocked on Clarke’s closed door and begged Clarke to come and make nice. Lexa’s eyes went wide and she leapt away from Clarke in fear, her feet actually making a noise on the carpet when she jumped from the bed. 

“Do I hide?” She had whispered. Panicked like a teenager caught in their girlfriends bedroom.

“You’ve never had to before.” Clarke said as she rose from the bed wrapped in sheets. She moved to the door but was pulled back by Lexa. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait!” 

“What?” Clarke hissed back. 

“What if she sees me?”

“Why would she see you? She never has before.” Clarke asked. 

“Yeah but this is different. I...I’m like...solid right now.” Lexa argued.

“Clarke?” Abby called through the door. “Who are you talking to?”

Abby had let herself into the room at that point to find Clarke disheveled and looking at empty space. Lexa hadn’t come back to Clarke that clear again. Though Clarke could swear she now smelt ozone and spices when she was close. 

Four months later and Clarke used most of the money her father left her to buy a small house on the other side of town from her now sold childhood home and within walking distance of the plant nursery she worked at. Lexa had barely managed to show up once a week for Clarke after their night spent together and she could never stay for long. It was obvious the loss of the house was taking its toll on Lexa but the best Clarke could do was stay as close as she could to the childhood home.  _ Their  _ childhood home. She couldn’t afford much. A little two bedroom in an old part of town. But how much space does one twenty-something year old and a ghost need?

***

“Hey Clarke?” Lexa whispered waking the blonde up. 

“Hmmm?” Clarke mumbled and rolled over to check the time on the alarm clock set up on the floor next to the mattress. 

“Are we ok?” 

“You’re waking me up at four in the morning to ask if we’re ok?” Clarke sighs and sits up to look at the woman perched at the end of the bed. Lexa’s hair was down and in messy curls like it always was. She was wearing black joe boxers with yellow smiley faces on them like she always was. A Nirvana tour t-shirt like she always was and only one disheveled gold toe sock. 

“I don’t know what’s more unfortunate.” Lexa had told her once early on. “The fact that I’m dead or that I’m stuck for eternity looking like an ass-hat.” 

Clarke thought it was cute. Especially when Lexa showed up while Clarke was at work and helping a client or in the middle of one of Clarke’s lectures or her favorite, while Clarke was walking across the stage to receive her diploma. Clarke could swear she had seen a ghost blush that day. 

“You know they can’t see you.” Clarke giggled after keeping her face stoic to shake the deans hand and flip the tassel on her cap, posing for a quick picture. She had had plenty of practice by that point keeping a straight face while her ethereal girlfriend walked around awkwardly in her pajamas. 

“That’s not the point.” Lexa said, shaking her head at herself. “I just feel dumb. Plus I tried to show up in the stands with your parents. Not on the fucking stage. It’s like those nightmares people have about being on stage in their underwear.” 

“Is it?” Clarke whispers out the side of her mouth while passing by a group of fellow graduates. 

“It’s actually worse.” Lexa said. “People always say they would die of embarrassment but I’m already there so where does that leave me.” 

“Dead of embarrassment I guess.” Clarke smiled. “What a poor way to go.” 

“Oh just you wait, Clarke Griffin. You’ll get yours. You’re gonna go in some stupid halloween costume or something. Stuck as a sexy nurse forever.” 

“I would never dress as a sexy nurse.” Clarke retorted. “Also, are you wishing death on me?”

“Maybe.” Lexa teased. “Now go hug your parents.”

Clarke shook the memory from her mind to take in Lexa now. Still dressed the same. Still just as beautiful with her pouty lips and stormy eyes but somehow different. Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “What’s going on, Lexa?” 

“Why have I been showing up so infrequently lately?” Lexa asks.

“I don’t know. I thought you would be the one that knows the answer to that one.” 

“I’m serious, Clarke.” Lexa sighs and climbs up the bed to straddle Clarke. She’s nearly weightless on Clarke’s stomach. The chill of her form soaking through the thin blankets and washing over Clarke’s skin. “You know I can’t control it. If I had my way I would never leave you.”

“I know.” Clarke says softly and reaches out to reassuringly run her hands along Lexa’s exposed arms. Touching Lexa always feels like walking through a dense fog that was somehow contained and manipulated into shape. Push too hard and your hand will go right through it. Too gentle and you won’t even notice it’s there. It took until Clarke was fourteen before she found out they could actually touch and feel each other. 

“Then why?” Lexa questions. “I even tried going back to the house to recharge but it’s not the same now that it’s someone else’s. It doesn’t fuel me like it used to. And you…”

“I what?” Clarke urges Lexa on.

“Do you still want me around?”

“What?” Clarke exclaims and grips Lexa’s arms too tightly, her hands balling up and turning cold quickly, surrounded by Lexa's form. “Of course I want you. I love you.”

Lexa gently grabs Clarke around the wrists and pulls her hands out of her biceps. “It just makes sense that if you don’t want me anymore, my...energy wouldn’t be as drawn to you anymore. Could sense that I’m not needed any longer.”

“Jesus, Lex.” Clarke struggles to sit up with Lexa on her lap and looks her in the eye. “I love you and will always need you.”

“You say that now but... don’t you want someone real?” Lexa says softly.

“You are real.” Clarke argues. 

“Was.” Lexa says. 

“Are.”

“Clarke.” Lexa sighs. 

“No. Don’t, Lexa. You don’t get to do that. You’re real. If you need me to pull up your obituary I can. We can go to your grave. Track down your family. You. Are. Real. Just as real to me now as you were when you were living and I want you. I don’t know why you’ve been spending so much time away from me but we can figure it out, ok?” 

“It’s… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. We don’t have to do anything. I just...I might be dead but I’m allowed to be scared you know?” Lexa said, turmoil raging in her green eyes. 

“I never said you couldn’t be scared, Lex.” 

“I know.” Lexa sighs. “Can we just forget I said anything?”

“Whatever you want.” Clarke says and pulls Lexa down alongside her. 

They lay in silence. Lexa nuzzled into Clarke’s side and her nose pressed against Clarke’s neck. Lexa had told her that she couldn’t smell or taste anything but that she always thought Clarke would smell like lemon cakes and taste like sweet cream. Lexa’s favorite part about the night she came back to Clarke near fully solid was that she could smell and taste Clarke. 

“Oh and is it lemon and cream?” Clarke had teased. 

“No.” Lexa shook her head and smiled. “Better. Heady and earthy and salty and real.” 

Clarke imagined Lexa was remembering those sensations as she ran her nose delicately along Clarke’s throat and inhaled heavily. 

“You know you’re almost older than me now.” Lexa said quietly. “For so long I was robbing the cradle. Now you’re gonna be older than me. Always will be.”

“Technically you’re like fifty years older than me.” Clarke chuckled into the dark. 

“Not my body though.” Lexa said. “I’ve got that rockin’ twenty three year old bod for eternity.”

“Well there’s gotta be one perk of dying young.” Clarke shrugged. “You still gonna love me in forty years when I’m in my sixties and saggy with a dry-”

“Shush.” Lexa cut’s Clarke off. “I will always love you.” 

“You say that now.” Clarke starts.

“And I’ll say it until the day I die.”

“Lex.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” 

Clarke fell asleep chilled to the bone and covered in goosebumps but in the arms of the ghost she loved. When she woke up a few hours later by her alarm Lexa was gone and the sun shone through the bare window, illuminating the empty space next to her. 

She spent the next several days not worrying about Lexa’s absence. It was a new normal for them. Five or six days spent apart was the norm and then Lexa would be back. Sometimes for a few hours. Sometimes a few days. But she always came back. So Clarke filled her time between now and when Lexa would next show with work and unpacking. She wanted to make the house as homey and comfortable for the both of them. Maybe it would help Lexa settle more and she would be able to be around more. It could be like how it used to be. 

At the end of the seventh day, Clarke pursed her lips and watched the movie she had been waiting on Lexa to watch alone with a glass of wine. After two weeks, Clarke parked outside of her old home and willed Lexa to show in the passenger seat next to her. At six months, Clarke drank a whole bottle of wine while listening to Bleach and messily painted the office she had wanted Lexa’s help choosing a color for. After a whole year, Clarke tore up the stained green carpet, now splattered with blue paint, and screamed in anger at Lexa for leaving her for so long. It went on like that for another year. Clarke visited Lexa’s grave and begged her to come back. She fell asleep in the grass and was woken by a confused and older version of the woman Clarke recognized as Lexa’s sister. She drank herself silly one night and considered the possibility of finding Lexa if she ended things herself now. But Lexa didn’t even know where she went when she wasn’t with Clarke. Plus she had made Clarke promise not to do anything brash like kill herself to possibly become a ghost herself back when Clarke was an angsty teenager. 

It was three years into Lexa’s disappearance. Or silence. Clarke wasn’t sure what she wanted to call it when she showed up on her mother's porch in tears and needing comfort. 

“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Her mother cooed as she wrapped a disheveled Clarke in her arms. 

“She left me, mom.” Clarke cried into her shoulder. “I loved her so much and she left me.”

***

Lexa knew the moment Clarke’s father died. She was watching Clarke eat her dinner messily, waiting patiently for her to finish so that she could make love to her. Lexa was always waiting. Waiting for Clarke’s class to be over, waiting for Clarke to leave the bar and her friends so Lexa could gossip with Clarke about all the goings on in her friends lives. Waiting for Clarke to finish using the bathroom, or to finish up with work or studying. Never sleeping though. For some reason Lexa could sleep with Clarke. Half the time she woke up a couple days later in a completely different place feeling as if no time had changed at all but it had. The other half of the time Lexa would wake up to Clarke tucked in close to her still and  _ warm.  _ Lexa only felt warm after spending a night pressed up against Clarke’s skin. It was like she was stealing all the warmth from Clarke and selfishly, she liked it. She liked that Clarke had always been willing to give her warmth up for her. She liked the way it made her remember what being warm felt like. What feeling anything felt like. Clarke was good at that. Making Lexa feel. 

So, as Lexa watched the pasta fall off Clarke’s fork mid-bite, she felt Jake die. It was fast and it was painless. At least there was that. And as Lexa stood abruptly to move towards Clarke and Clarke looked up at her with confusion washing over her features, she left. She left Clarke when Clarke needed her most. The familiar chill that ran up her spine whenever it happened made Lexa’s stomach drop and before she could say anything to Clarke, she was on the side of a dark road, a car horn was blaring and Jake was standing next to her while they watched the flipped silver SUV’s tires spin. 

“Are you an angel?” Jake turned and said to her. 

“Do I look like an angel?” Lexa said, gesturing to her attire. 

“I mean… I do like Nirvana. It would be kinda funny since I’m dead and all. Reaching Nirvana.” Jake shrugs. “There’s a joke in there somewhere.” 

“Oh I know. Clarke’s told it.” 

“Clarke?” Jake jumps. “Is she ok? Is she…?” 

“Clarke’s fine, Jake. I’m her...friend. Lexa.” Lexa said, trying to calm down the panicked father. 

“Oh god. Clarke. My Clarke. I never got to say goodbye. Oh and Abby.” The man looked forlorn towards the wreck and the pool of blood that was just becoming visible. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered and watched the blooming pool. “Maybe we shouldn’t watch this. Wanna go on a walk?” 

“I...yeah...sure.” Jake tore his eyes away from the wreck and focused on Lexa again. He followed her down the street, an ambulance and fire truck screaming past. “How do you know Clarke? If you’re not an angel?”

“I’m well...a ghost I guess.” Lexa shrugs and peers over her shoulder at the wreck. “I died in your house a while back.”

“Let me guess.” Jake said. “The nineties?” 

“Ninety-five.” Lexa confirmed. 

“How?” 

“An aneurysm. If you can believe it.” Lexa said. I was kinda always sickly growing up and I got a pretty bad migraine while I was in college. Stress ya know? I was taking way too many credits at once and overdoing it. Anyways. I had a loud roommate and this migraine just wouldn’t go away so I go back home to try and get over it. Shut myself in my old room, pop some advil, turn out all the lights but… I don’t know. It happened so fast.”

“I’m sorry.” Jake offers. “You were so young.” 

“I’m over it.” Lexa waves off. 

“So...Clarke?” Jake pushes for more information. 

“Oh, right. Uhm…” Lexa contemplates the way in which she wants to inform Clarke’s father that a ghost has been “haunting” his daughter since Clarke was twelve and they first moved into the house and that said ghost has been sleeping with her since she was seventeen. “Clarke can see me.” She decides on. 

“She can?” Jake asked. Reaching out to stop Lexa’s walking and looking her in the eye. Clarke has her father’s eyes. Lexa knew it but had never had that gaze on her before. At least that gaze belonging to Jake and not Clarke.

“Yeah.” Lexa nods. “You know that imaginary friend you thought Clarke had for a while? And you were all worried because you thought she was too old to be having one?”

“That was you?!” Jake says incredulously. “Jesus Christ. She got so strange once we moved but I thought it was normal kid stuff ya know? New school. New friends. New town.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.” Lexa adds. “I promise. She scared me just as much as I scared her the first couple times we saw each other. No one’s ever been able to see me before Clarke. And well, I don’t know what it was but every time I...appeared... it was around Clarke. We grew pretty close pretty quickly after that started happening. She’s my best friend.” 

“You love her.” Jake said matter of factly. “I can tell by that silly look on your face.”

“I do.” Lexa nods. 

“And she loves you?” 

“Most days.” Lexa confirms. 

“This is unbelievable.” Jake says and turns back towards the wreck. “I hit my head in the crash and am hallucinating a ghost girlfriend for my daughter.”

“Wait!” Lexa calls and joggs the few steps to stop in front of Jake. “Don’t go back there, Jake. You go back there and… I don’t know. Something bad is gonna happen. I can feel it. Maybe you won’t pass on or… I don’t know. Just don’t go back there.” 

“You’re just a figment of my imagination.” Jake said and pushed through Lexa.

Something strange happened then. Something Lexa had never experienced before. She had never seen many ghosts during her time as one and whenever she did they always stayed clear from each other. So she couldn’t have known that when Jake walked through Lexa, they passed through every one of each other's memories, living and dead. Lexa’s breath hitched in shock and she stiffened at the sudden uncomfortable sensation of knowing someone’s deepest thoughts, their most intimate of moments. If she could feel nausea, Lexa guesses this would be as close as it got. Jake stiffened up behind Lexa and gasped himself. 

“Seventeen?!” He yells and turns on Lexa. “You couldn’t even wait for her to get to college and do it NOT under my roof!?” 

“Technically it was my roof first.” Lexa steps back from Clarke’s angry father. “And it was consensual.” 

“I don’t give a damn who’s roof it was first! You’ve ruined my daughter's life!” Jake yelled, pushing himself into Lexa’s space. 

Lexa could only retreat further as Jake pushed on. She wanted Clarke. She wanted to be safe in Clarke’s arms and to feel her warmth again. She wanted to comfort a grieving Clarke instead of face her dead father’s anger. “Jake, please.” 

“No!” He yelled. “Clarke had a bright future before you. She was boisterous and outgoing and so full of life! You turned her into a shut in that settled just so she can hang out with a dead girl!”

“Clarke is everything!” Lexa yelled back. “She is still all those things and she is beautiful! She has so much love that she made a fucking dead girl fall in love with her! How can you look at who she’s become and not be proud of her?” 

Jake sighs and waves Lexa off before turning back towards the wreck. “Whatever.” 

“No. Jake, wait!” Lexa calls out. “Don’t go back there. I think you’ll end up like me if you do. You don’t want this, trust me.”

“Fuck off, Lexa.” Jake called back over his shoulder and marched back to the overturned SUV and flashing lights.

***

“Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?” Clarke answered from her spot on the kitchen counter before she drained her glass of it’s last sips of merlot. 

“I’m going over to my parents for dinner this weekend if you’d like to come.” Finn’s voice called out from the top of the stairs. They creaked as he bounced down them in his dress shoes.

“Dinner at the parents already?” Clarke teased and spread her waiting legs for Finn to place himself between them. 

“Well, yeah. If that’s fine with you.” He said, sliding in close to Clarke and placing a kiss on her cheek. “We’ve been seeing each other for over a year now. I’ve introduced girls to my parents that I wasn’t even technically dating.”

“Wow.” Clarke snorts and reaches for the bottle to refill her glass. “Way to make a girl feel special.”

“Hey.” Finn says, reaching for the wine before Clarke can reach it and holding it away from her. “You are special. And I thought we were going out tonight? Are you trying to get drunk before we even go anywhere?” 

“It was just a...day today.” Clarke explains and pulls the bottle from Finn’s grip. “Plus you said you’d drive.”

“Yeah I said I’d drive. That doesn’t mean I want to be my drunk girlfriends choufer.” Finn says, pulling the bottle back from Clarke. “We talked about this.” He said softer now, placing the bottle on the counter and reaching for Clarke’s face to gently cup it in his hands. “Bad days happen and I understand wanting a drink or two but there are other ways to deal with it. I’m here. You can always talk to me. You can go to a counselor…”

“Finn…” Clarke whined. “I don’t need therapy. It’s our Friday night and I just wanted to cut loose a little you know? I’m sorry I started without you.”

“It’s not that.” Finn said, letting go of Clarke’s face and relenting. Pouring Clarke a meager portion of wine before handing it over. “You just said you were going to cut back.”

“And I have.” Clarke said, forcing herself to put down the glass without taking a sip from it first. 

“I know. And I appreciate it.” Finn said, kissing Clarke’s forehead. “I just...I love you. I want you to take care of yourself so you’ll be here a while.”

“I know, Finn.” Clarke sighs. “I know.” 

The air between them grows tense. The obvious lack of Clarke’s return of endearment laying heavy in the air. Clarke did love Finn. She did. It might not be deep and impassioned but she cared about him. Clarke liked filling her empty bed with a familiar body and there was nothing to not like about Finn. He was handsome and gentle. Independent and in tune with his emotions. He was a catch. Big brown eyes and everything. But he wasn’t Lexa. He wasn’t Lexa and today marked the sixth year that she had left Clarke. 

To what? Clarke didn’t know. Heaven? Clarke scoffed at the thought whenever it came up. Her and Lexa had spent countless hours talking about life after death. Obviously it was a thing but it wasn’t like anyone had talked about at vacation bible school when Clarke was a kid. It was darker and more melancholy and both Clarke and Lexa always liked the idea of nothing happening when you die over spending eternity with all your shitty family members. The universe takes back the energy it leant you and becomes something more beautiful than a human being like a willow tree or a swan or whatever. But ghosts? A place that people went when they didn’t end up stuck as a ghost? Now that was terrifying and ludacris. And six years ago, Lexa had gone to whatever place that was. She was a part of a swan now or in an afterlife somewhere. Either way, it wasn’t with Clarke and Clarke hated her for leaving her here. Alone and without any answers. So she worked and drank and dated Finn for now as a way to pass the time until she found out for herself. 

“Whelp.” Finn breaks the silence and drops his hands to Clarke’s thighs heavily, filling the air with a soft slap. “Should we get going?” He pulls back his sweater to check the watch Clarke got him for Christmas. 

“Yeah.” Clarke says, adding extra pep into her voice and slides off the counter, dragging her body against Finn’s still close one in the process. “Let’s get out of here, handsome.” 

Clarke leaves the cup of wine on the counter, fully intending to finish it on her own when Finn drops her off after their date. 

***

The bed shakes, waking Clarke in the middle of the night. Confused, Clarke rolls over to push up on her elbows and glower at Finn. She had been pretty sure he had left after they had finished fucking after their date. Clarke had rolled over as soon as they finished and told Finn to text her when he got home safely and proceeded to fall asleep. He had pretended not to hear her in the past and had stayed over anyways. Clarke hated that. She also knew how cruel it was to not let someone you had been dating seriously not stay the night at their girlfriends house. So she let it slide the few times a month when it happened but always made sure Finn was at his house the next day. As much as Clarke liked the comfort of Finn when she wanted him, she hated having him around when she craved solitude. Mostly, Clarke craved solitude. 

Clarke’s eyes adjusted to the dark, peered over at the sleeping form next to her and the air was pulled from her lungs. The hair was brunette, but there was too much of it, it was curly instead of straight, and it splayed in every direction thought possible in such a hauntingly familiar way that Clarke held her breath as she reached out to push the curls away from delicate features peaceful in sleep.

“Lexa.” 

The woman in Clarke’s bed doesn’t stir. She just lays there and pushes hot air from her nostrils against Clarke’s still outstretched hand.  _ Hot air.  _

“Lexa?” Clarke asks, more loudly. She presses her palm against Lexa’s cheek and feels the warmth there she had never before. “Lexa!?” She cries out now, jolting straight up to shake the sleeping woman by her shoulders. 

“Wha…?” Lexa mumbles in her sleep. Her eyes flutter open like she was waking from a deep slumber and she smacks her lips from dehydration. “Clarke?” She asks, cracking open her eyes and reaching slowly for Clarke in turn. “Clarke, what’s wrong?” Her voice is scratchy and sleepy and so unlike the voice Clarke was used to hearing come from Lexa. Like she had actually been sleeping. Like she was actually waking up in a human body. 

“Lexa!” Clarke cries out. Shaking Lexa by the shoulders again, not sure what else to do. The woman she has both loved and hated the most is back. In her bed. And more alive feeling than Clarke has ever seen her. She wants to scream and hit and punish Lexa for her absence while simultaneously press her mouth against the pillowy lips she has missed for so damn long. 

“Jesus, Clarke.” Lexa groans and sits up beside Clarke. “Calm down, baby. What’s going…” Lexa pauses mid sentence and looks at Clarke with clarity finally in her eyes. Emotions slide across Lexa’s features too quickly for Clarke to register before Lexa gulps in a lungful of air and whips her head around the room, taking in the space before turning back to Clarke and gripping her forearms painfully. “Clarke?” 

“Lexa?” Clarke questions again, bewildered herself. “Lexa are you ok?”

“Where are we, Clarke? What’s going on? Why do I feel like this?” The words tumble from Lexa’s lips as she pulls at the familiar Nirvana shirt on her thin frame and squirms in the sheets trying to escape them. She’s sucking in too much air and her eyes go wide in panic. 

“Lexa, calm down.” Clarke tries to soothe, reaching out for Lexa and pulling her against her chest. “Breathe, Lexa. Just breathe.” 

“I… I can’t!” Lexa cries into Clarke’s shoulder and Clarke pulls Lexa’s face away to lock eyes with her. 

“You’re having a panic attack.” Clarke says. “I want you to focus on your breathing and start naming things you see. Take a deep breath in, two, three, four. And out, two, three, four.” 

Lexa complies, her eyes darting from one of Clarke’s eyes to the other. Clarke continues to count breaths for Lexa until her breathing is more under control and then asks her to name things that she can see again. 

“You.” Lexa starts. “Your hair is messy. Your eyes are puffy. You're naked.”

“Ok, other things beside me, Lex.” Clarke sighs.

“Uhm…. The alarm clock says four thirty-four. It’s dark in here. There’s a Nirvana poster on the wall. You smell funny. The sheets are scratchy.” Lexa stops to think before shaking Clarke with her discovery. “Clarke! You smell bad!”

“Jesus, Lexa.” Clarke grumbles. “It’s good to see you too.” She moves to get out of bed and put some clothes on.

“No. Wait!” Lexa calls after her. “I can smell you! I’ve only smelt you once before! And my stomach hurts! I forgot what that feels like.” Lexa looks pointedly down at her stomach and lifts her shirt to show Clarke her flat stomach. “Ouch.” She says and looks up smiling. “It’s cramping!”

“Good for you.” Clarke says and moves to her dresser and tosses on some pajama pants and t-shirt. 

“Why are you acting like this, Clarke?” Lexa exclaims. She jumps out of the bed and pulls Clarke flush against her. “Can’t you feel this? Feel me? It’s like that night again but better. I feel so… alive again!”

“Lexa…” Clarke sighs. 

“What?” Lexa frowns and looks around the room. “I can tell I’ve been gone long enough for you to unpack but be mad at me later. Take those clothes off and get back into bed!” She smiles charmingly then and pushes Clarke back towards the bed and kisses Clarke messily. 

“Lexa.” Clarke says against achingly family lips as Lexa kisses her persistently. “Lexa, wait.” And Clarke pushes the brunette back from her and purses her lips. 

“For what, babe?” Lexa says. “We don’t know how long I’ll last like this. I’d like to make the most of it.” At that Lexa strips off the shirt Clarke had grown to know every detail about, down to the half ripped tag along the inside seam. Lexa reaches for Clarke’s hands and brings them to her perky breasts and moans at the contact. “Don’t you want me?” Lexa asks seductively and leans down for another kiss. Clarke almost falls into those lips that she’s missed so much, almost allows herself to devour the beautiful woman in front of her but instead she breaks off the kiss and lifts Lexa from her lap so she can stand. 

“Lexa, you don’t understand.” She starts. 

“Then help me to.” Lexa whines and sits at the end of the bed, the skin on her chest and neck growing red. 

“You’ve been gone a long time.” Clarke says. “You’ve been gone and I needed you here and you were gone.”

“Clarke.” Lexa pleads. “You know I have no-”

“Control of it. I know!” Clarke cuts her off. “But you were still gone, Lexa. I thought you had...you know...passed on or whatever!” 

“I told you I would never leave you.” Lexa says softly, reaching for her shirt and bunching it in her hands. 

“Well you did.” Clarke growls. 

“Clarke, I-”

“Six years, Lexa!” Clarke cries out, tears building at the edges of her vision. “You’ve been gone for six years.”

“Oh my god.” Lexa gasps. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I swear I was just cuddling you minutes ago. I would never spend any time away from you if I could help it.” She stands from the bed and moves to comfort Clarke while Clarke tries to turn away from her. 

“Don’t touch me.’’ Clarke spits and spins out of Lexa’s grasp. 

“Clarke.” Lexa says, her voice hollow. 

“I’m seeing someone.” Clarke says suddenly, turning to face the heartbroken look on Lexa’s face. “We’ve been together for a year and I probably smell bad because he was just here fucking me.” 

She regrets the words as soon as Clarke see’s silent tears start falling down Lexa’s cheeks. Her lip quivers and her face gets blotchy as she swallows hard and works on composing herself as well as she can topless and in dorky pajama shorts. She looks so...alive. And broken. 

“I see.” Lexa whispers and moves to pick up her discarded shirt again, pulling it over her head regardless of it being inside out and backwards. 

“Lexa.” Clarke says, the beginning of an apology on her lips.

“It’s fine, Clarke.” Lexa says and wipes her running nose on the back of her hand. “I understand. I’ll try and leave as soon as I can.” She turns towards the stairwell and is halfway down the stairs when Clarke breaks and calls out. “I’m sorry!” 

“Me too.” Lexa says softly over her shoulders and disappears down the stairs, her footsteps creaking on the refinished hardwood downstairs. 

“Jesus fuck, Clarke.” Clarke chides herself. She’s been miserable for six years and as soon as Lexa finally comes back she lets her anger get the best of her and she hurts the one person who means the most to her. Clarke rushes down the stairs and makes to find her ghost. 

“Lexa?” Clarke calls and gets no response. “Lexa!?” Clarke moves from room to room in a panic. She was about to give up and assume that Lexa had left her for good this time when Clarke heard retching in the bathroom. She pushes the door open slowly and relief washes over her as Lexa is revealed heaving over the toilet, the smell of bile stinging Clarke’s nostrils.

“Oh, babe.” Clarke coos and kneels behind Lexa trying to provide some comfort. She pulls Lexa’s mane of hair back and ties it into a bun and rubs her back. 

“I’m so sorry, Lex.” Clarke whispers. “I shouldn't have told you like that. I was just so mad at you for being gone for so long.”

Lexa’s voice echoes in the toilet as she asks between retching. “Are you really with someone else now?”

“I thought you were gone.” Clarke whispers. “But if you’re back…”

“No, Clarke.” Lexa groans and reaches for the toilet paper, blowing her nose and trying to gain some composure before flushing the toilet and standing. She looms over Clarke still on her knees and gives her decision. “You need to be with someone living. Who knows when I’ll be back again after today. I always wanted a normal life for you. I was just shocked is all. That and I feel so...real right now. It all hit me pretty hard.”

“I know, Lex.” Clarke says and reaches out to run her fingers down Lexa’s exposed calf. “If I thought you were coming back I would never…”

“I know.” Lexa says and reaches down for Clarke, pulling her up with strangely warm hands. “This is a little awkward but if I can just stay here till I leave again, I would really appreciate it. I don’t have anywhere else to be and I feel like shit.”

“Of course.” Clarke fumbles. “You can stay here as long as you want. You’re always welcome. I’ve wanted you here with me this whole time.”

Another tear falls from Lexa’s eye and she quickly wipes it away. “I’m just gonna...go lay down on the couch.” 

“Okay.” Clarke nods in agreement. “Let me get you a blanket and pillow. Maybe some water?”

“Water?” Lexa asks, confused.

“Yeah. It might make you feel better. I’ve never seen you like this before. So...alive.” 

“Ok.” Lexa swallows and licks her lips. “That actually sounds amazing.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke woke up late the next day. After Lexa guzzled the glass of water and moaned loudly in appreciation, they dove into the kitchen excited and spent the next couple hours raiding the fridge and pantry for things for Lexa to try. With the distraction of food. The sadness and awkwardness fell to the wayside and Clarke got to watch Lexa experience food for the first time in almost sixty years. They laughed and talked about the food that was popular back when Lexa was living and then Lexa cried because she forgot what feeling uncomfortably full felt like and Clarke fed her some tums and tucked her in. 

She lay in bed and thought about the woman who had come back into her life last night. Lexa had made several throw away comments throughout the night about being out of Clarke’s hair in the morning but Clarke couldn’t help but want Lexa to still be snuggled under the spare comforter on the couch with a pudgy tummy and red rimmed eyes. Especially this Lexa. This Lexa that was warm to the touch and smelt like spices and cried and had stomach aches and groaned in pleasure when she ate a spoonful of peanut butter. It was like she was alive again. Lexa was finally back and in the way they both had wanted so badly for so long but at the wrong moment. If only Lexa had come back two years ago. Clarke would have still been mad at her for leaving her for so long but she would not have complicated things by dating Finn. She would have cried and yelled but she would have let Lexa have her way with her the way she had wanted to last night. Regret pulses through Clarke’s veins and the thought of Finn while Lexa is possibly still on the couch downstairs makes Clarke’s skin crawl. She only allows herself a few tears before she climbs out of bed and strips it. She flips the mattress and leaves it uncovered to air out as well as throwing open her window. Clarke picks up her messy room, making sure to gather the small hints of Finn around the space(a pair of boxers, his toothbrush, a set of cufflinks) and stuffs them into her end table drawer. She showers in too hot of water and emerges from it red and raw but smelling of only her favorite shower products. 

Clarke tip-toes down the stairs, avoiding the creaky steps, just in case Lexa hasn’t vanished yet and stuffs the dirty sheets into the washer along with the dirty clothes she had picked up off her floor. She passed through the kitchen and made some coffee amidst the storm that was Lexa and her last night left behind. Then, with coffee in hand and no more excuses to delay, Clarke steps out of the kitchen and into the living room. The couch is empty. The comforter lay crumpled atop the couch and Clarke swears she could still see the indentation on the pillow Lexa’s head left behind. 

Solemnly, Clarke moved to sit on the couch and pulled the pillow against her chest, diving her nose into its softness and chasing down any remnants of Lexa left behind. She sobbed into the pillow when she found what she was seeking there and let herself steep in her sadness and regret. Clarke could give herself this day to wallow and grieve. Tomorrow she would pick herself back up and soldier on. But today…

The toilet flushes and Clarke whips her head up and towards the hallway bathroom. Lexa emerges flinging water off the tips of her fingers and wiping them down her front. “I forgot how horrible that whole process is.” She groaned and then stilled in the hallway, finally making eye contact with Clarke and seeing her disheveled state. 

“Are you ok?” She asks timidly, stepping forward. 

“Yeah.” Clarke’s voice cracks. She hurriedly puts the pillow aside and stands, straightening her clothes. “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you ok?”

“I think so.” Lexa said, moving cautiously forward, eyeying Clarke’s wet eyes and the discarded pillow. “I pooped.”

Clarke laughed through the remnants of her tears and wiped her eyes. “How was it?”

Lexa scrunched her face in displeasure and frowned. “Let’s not talk about it.” 

“Deal.” Clarke says. “So…”

“So…” Lexa responds, waiting for Clarke to continue. 

“You’re still here.” Clarke states the obvious. 

“I am.” Lexa nods. “It’s not on purpose, I swear. I’m not trying to stick around now just to cause problems. I’m sure I’ll leave sooner or later and then you can carry on living your life.”

“I’m glad you stayed.” Clarke admits and Lexa’s mouth falls open. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

“Oh.” Lexa says surprised and smiles softly. “Well good. Cause if what happened in there” Lexa points over her shoulder to the bathroom “doesn’t kill me or send me back to wherever, I’m afraid you might be stuck with me awhile.” 

Clarke chuckles and Lexa smiles shily. “Not that I’m complaining but why are you so...not ghosty all of a sudden?” 

“I honestly don’t know.” Lexa says, moving towards the couch and collapsing next to Clarke. “I feel like there’s something I should know or remember but I can’t and I just...I don’t know.” 

“Do you know where you were at all this time?” Clarke asks softly. The answer to all their questions so close she can taste the truth of it on the tip of her tongue. 

“Sorry.” Lexa says and shakes her head. 

“How long do you think we have?” Clarke asks softly. 

“I don’t know.” Lexa says. 

“Well.” Clarke breathes. “Is there something you’d like to do while you’re so...alive?” 

“Honestly?” Lexa asks, her eyes wide and vulnerable. 

“Honestly.”

“Can I change my clothes?” 

*** 

One shower later and an emptying of Clarke’s drawers later and Lexa is standing in front of Clarke in faded black jeans and a pullover sweater. Her hair is tamed and shining as it falls down her back and Lexa smells like Clarke’s bar of soap. She looks beautiful and she doesn’t notice Clarke drinking her in as she checks herself out in Clarke’s full length mirror. 

“I cannot believe how weird I look not wearing those stupid fucking shorts.” She says, turning to look at her ass in Clarke’s jeans. 

“You look beautiful.” Clarke let’s slip and Lexa blushes prettily. 

“Thanks, Clarke.” She says and finally turns from the mirror. “And thanks for the clothes. I’d like to say I’m sorry if I disappear in these and you never get them back but I wouldn’t be. Now I can haunt someone not looking like a dip.” 

“That’s ok.” Clarke says. “I’m pretty sure I could sell your Nirvana t-shirt for like a million dollars now.” 

Lexa scoffs and waves Clarke off. “It’s all yours. My sock too.”

“Oh I’m keeping that sock forever.” Clarke teases and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this after last night but...I’m starving.” Lexa says and her stomach grumbles audibly. 

“Well, I can help with that.” Clarke smiles softly and nods down the stairs. “What sounds good for breakfast?” 

***

Two days later and Lexa is still there and Clarke is slowly losing her mind. Not because Lexa has taken up every second of her days since she’s come back and not because Clarke can only imagine a future where Lexa is like this until the day she dies. No. Clarke is losing her mind because Lexa is here and in a way that they had only imagined and Clarke can’t touch her. Can’t tell her she loves her. 

Instead Clarke has to do with endless hours of excitedly filling Lexa in on where their(Clarke’s) group of friends are and who has kids and who married who. She fills Clarke in on world events, depressing them and starting endless discussions until they lighten the mood with missed blockbuster hits and start the cycle over. They don’t talk about Clarke’s mom or her deceased father. They don’t talk about Finn and they don’t talk about how much they wish they had had this ten years ago. 

“So you’re telling me you never slept with Raven?” Lexa laughs over a glass of wine at the small dining table while lofi is playing softly from the small hidden speakers throughout the house. 

“Swear to god.” Clarke laughs and shows Lexa her open hands. 

“I feel like if you were going to hook up with anyone it would be her. She was so independent and badass. I can see you having a one night stand and rocking each other’s worlds and then going about your business afterwards like it was no big deal.” Lexa explains animatedly. “Plus she’s hot.”

“Okaaaay.” Clarke laughs and pulls the glass from under Lexa’s nose. “You’ve had too much, lightweight.” 

“Haha.” Lexa jokes. “Calling the ghost lightweight.”

“Shut up.” Clarke laughs and ends up filling Lexa’s glass again and sliding it over. “Plus, Raven’s not my type.”

“Oh yeah?” Lexa says, lifting the glass to her lips to take a dainty sip. “Thin brunettes with an attitude aren’t your thing?”

“Well she wasn’t dead so she was left wanting.” Clarke clips back without thinking. 

“Hah!” Lexa exclaims and leans back in her chair, drinking a heavier gulp then. 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke sighs. “It just came out. I’m not trying to make this weird.”

“This whole thing has been weird, Clarke.” Lexa offers and shrugs it off. “It’s ok.” 

“Is it?” Clarke questions, emboldened by the shared bottle of wine. 

“Kinda has to be, doesn’t it?” Lexa asks, leaning forward on her elbows. “I want you to know I don’t hold it against you, you know? You did what I’d want you to. I’m glad to be here with you and catch up. I love hearing about your life and seeing what you’ve done with the place.” She waves at the home Clarke built around them. “If I keep coming back or never do again I’m happy to have these days with you. You’ve always been more than just a lover to me, Clarke.”

“Jesus, Lex.” Clarke sniffles and swallows hard in her attempt to hold back the sudden wave of emotions Lexa’s word surfaced. “You can’t say shit like that a bottle and a half deep.” 

“Would you rather wait till we’re sober and awkward?” Lexa retorts, falling back from her forward posture to sip at her cup. 

“God, it kind of has been awkward hasn’t it?” Clarke says, chuckling. “I don’t know why. You’ve walked in on me masturbating before.”

“And worse.” Lexa chuckles. 

“Yeah.” Clarke laughs and agrees. “So much worse.”

They fall into a content silence before Lexa breaks it. “I know why though.”

“Huh?” Clarke asks absentmindedly fiddling with her glass. 

“Why it’s awkward.” Lexa says. Clarke looks up to meet emboldened green eyes. “Because we want each other like we used to and we can’t. We keep having to catch ourselves from calling each other babe or touching each other. From leaning over and kissing you when you do something cute.” 

“Lexa.” Clarke pleads. 

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Lexa asks. She stands and moves to Clarke’s side of the table, pressing herself into Clarke’s space so much so that Clarke has to bring her hands to Lexa’s hips to stop her from pushing them against her chest. 

“Lex.” Clarke begs again, squeezing Lexa’s hips and staring up at the woman who’s been haunting her the past six years. 

“I want you, Clarke.” Lexa says boldly. “I don’t care about whoever you’re with. I don’t care if you go back to them when this...thing...whatever it is...ends. I’m here now and I want you. You’re all I’ve always wanted.”

“Fuck.” Clarke cries and scrambles to pull Lexa down to her mouth. Lexa falls heavily to her knees between Clarke’s legs and kisses her heatedly. It’s sloppy and rough but Clarle loves it. She tugs at the blouse Lexa was borrowing, releasing it from the hem of her pants and slides her hands underneath, filling her hands with Lexa’s breasts. 

“Clarke.” Lexa gasps against her lips as Clarke teases her nipples. “Fuck, Clarke.”

“Fuck me, Lexa.” Clarke rasps against Lexa’s lips. “I need to feel you.”

Lexa growls and pulls Clarke down from her chair and to the hardwood floor. “You’re mine, Clarke.” She says possessively and tears at Clarke’s clothing. She frantically snakes her hand into Clarke’s leggings and cups Clarke’s sex. “Fuck.” 

“Lex.” Clarke moans, lifting her hips and urging the woman above her on. “Baby.”

Lexa pulls Clarke’s wetness from her center to her clit and sets to circling it softly. “You feel so fucking good, Clarke.” She whines into Clarke’s neck, puffing hot air into her ear. “I’ve never been able to feel you so well before. Fuck.”

Clarke groans in response, clenching around nothing in response and reveling in the way Lexa’s fingers feel so new as well as familiar on her. She releases Lexa’s breasts to fumble with her pants until she can push them down her thighs to her knees and reaches to dip her fingers into Lexa’s own warmth. 

Lexa hisses in Clarke’s ear as Clarke runs her fingers through her drenched folds. “You’re so wet, baby.” Clarke moans and teases Lexa’s entrance. 

“Fuck, Clarke.” Lexa whines and moves her fingers to Clarke’s entrance as well, waiting. “You’ve always made me feel so good.” 

“Look at me, Lexa.” Clarke begged, gripping Lexa’s ass hard with her free hand for emphasis until their eyes met and their panting breaths mingled between them. They sat motionless in their passion then, breathing each other in, feeling each other's need. 

“I love you.” Clarke whispered and began to slowly enter Lexa’s warmth. Lexa’s breath hitched and she reciprocated Clarke’s movement, pressing two long fingers deep into her heated core. 

“I love you, Clarke.” Lexa breathed against Clarke’s face, grinding down on Clarke’s hand under her and shivering at the sensation of being filled. 

“Don’t leave me.” Clarke begged, gyrating her hips underneath Lexa and clenching around her fingers. 

“Never.” Lexa moaned, diving down to attach her mouth to Clarke’s neck. “I’ll never leave you.” 

***

Clarke woke the next morning with Lexa still on her tongue and a familiar weight tucked in her side. 

“You awake?” Lexa whispered into the quiet space. 

“Mmm. Yup.” Clarke yawned and stretched, her bones creaking pleasantly. 

Lexa crawled on top of Clarke and grinned, her hair wild and her lips pink and swollen from sleep. “Wanna fool around and then  _ I  _ can make you breakfast?” 

“Yes, fucking please.” Clarke said, pulling the still naked Lexa down for a kiss. 

They don’t get far into the fooling around part of the morning when Clarke’s ringtone fills the air. 

“Turn it off.” Lexa groans from underneath Clarke. 

“It will go to voicemail soon.” Clarke says around a stiff nipple. A few more rings and it does just that but moments later it’s ringing again. 

“Jesus fucking tits.” Clarke says pulling away reluctantly from the task at hand. “Hold on.” She leaves a pouting Lexa on the bed and grabs her phone from her dresser, answering curtly. “What?” 

“Woah.” Finn's voice comes through the line. “Who spit in your cereal this morning?” 

“Shit.” Clarke said. “Sorry, Finn.” 

At the mention of Finn’s name Lexa pulls the sheet up to wrap around herself as she scoots to the side of the bed and listens intently. 

“It’s fine. I was just calling to remind you about dinner with my parents tonight.”

“That’s tonight?” Clarke’s eyes go wide and she can feel the panic start to build inside her. What is she doing? She’s talking to her boyfriend while her naked...ex...girlfriend watches on blushed and still panting from their morning activities. 

“Sure is.” Finn says. “Anyhoo, I was thinking I could come pick you up early. We could make a day of it. Have some lunch, take a walk.”

“Uhh.” Clarke stalls looking to Lexa for an answer for some reason. Lexa waves her hands and mouths “go” to Clarke, a forced smile on her lips. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Finn.” Clarke says, worrying at her bottom lip. 

“What?” Finn asks as Lexa mouths the same, throwing her arms up in question. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Clarke says again with more confidence.

“What part?”

“All of it.” Clarke lets the silence fill the space between her and Finn as well as her and Lexa before continuing. “Finn, I’m sorry but I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“What?” Lexa and Finn say together. Lexa pushing off the bed and rushing over to Clarke. 

“What are you doing?” Lexa hisses at Clarke. 

“Is someone there with you?” Finn asks. “Who’s there?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Clarke says firmly. “I’m sorry to do this over the phone or to have wasted your time but I want to break up. I’m happy to meet up with you some time to talk about it but not today.”

“Jesus, Clarke.” Lexa says exasperatedly barely managing a whisper now. “I told you…”

“I can hear someone with you. Who’s there?” Finn says. “And we can cancel today but we  _ are  _ going to talk about this. I think you just need a couple days to cool down and then we can get back to normal.”

“No, Finn. This is it. We’re over. I’m sorry.” Clarke says

“Does this have to do with whoever's with you?” Finn asks, his voice lowering and coming the closest to anger Clarke had ever heard it. 

“It’s complicated.” Clarke answers. “But this has nothing to do with anyone else besides me and you.” 

“Bullshit!” Finn yells through the phone. “I’m coming over.”

“No! Don’t.” But the line is dead and Clarke tosses her phone on the bed in frustration. 

“Why would you do that?” Lexa asks, her voice pitched. 

“Because I don’t love him, Lexa.” Clarke answers, the emotions of the moment hitting her voice. 

“I don’t care if you don’t love him. He’s alive, Clarke. What are you going to do if you come out of the bathroom and I’m gone again?”

“Then I’ll wait for you.” Clarke presses. “I should have waited before and I’m so sorry I didn’t but I know you love me, I know you’ll come back, I always knew it and I should have trusted my gut. And who knows, your visit this time has been so close to what we always dreamed about. Maybe next time you come back, if you leave at all, you’ll be even more alive. We can live the life we always wanted.”

“I’m dead!” Lexa yells in frustration. “I’m dead, Clarke. Nothing we do can change that. I can’t give you that life because at any moment I could leave and we won’t know when I’ll be back. I told you! I told you I just wanted us to enjoy each other while I’m here and then you can live a normal life without me.”

“I don’t want to live a double life, Lexa.” Clarke argues, forcing herself to remain calm even facing Lexa’s anger. “You’re who I want. You’re who I’ve always wanted. And I already feel like a piece of shit for cheating on Finn. I couldn’t live my life like that. Don’t ask me to live my life like that.”

“Technically you were cheating on me with Finn.” Lexa inserts and Clarke groans. 

“And I feel like shit about that!” She throws her arms up in defeat. “I wish I had just waited for you.” 

“I’m joking!” Lexa widens her eyes and reaches for Clarke. “Babe, I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. It’s ok.”

“It’s not.” Clarke pouts. “I gave up on you.” Tears well in Clarke’s eyes and Lexa tsks, pulling her into her warm embrace. 

“Oh, Clarke. It’s ok, don’t cry.” 

Clarke presses her nose to Lexa’s exposed shoulder and sneaks her hands into the sheet wrapped around her, desperate for her comforting smell and warmth. Lexa shuffles the sheet to cocoon them both within it and kisses Clarke’s temple. 

“I will always love you, Clarke Griffin.” She breathes deep and Clarke squeezes her arms around her tighter, preparing for the but she’s sure is coming. “But you can’t waste your life waiting around for a dead girl that can’t give you what a healthy  _ living  _ person needs.”

“You’re what I need.” Clarke mumbles against Lexa’s skin. “I was a mess without you, Lexa. I turned into a barely functioning alcoholic and-”

They’re interrupted by Clarke’s doorbell ringing, making them both jump. 

“Well, that was quick.” Lexa says. “He must have been on his way here already.”

“Jesus.” Clarke growls and releases her hold on Lexa to scramble from the sheet wrapped around them to pick up the closest clothes on the floor. 

“I’m not sure how I feel about this.” Lexa comments from the bed where she had sat again to watch Clarke.

“About what?” Clarke asks. 

“That.” Lexa motions to Clarke herself and she looks down. She’s put on Lexa’s discarded outfit. Single sock omitted. “Oh.” The bell rings again and Clarke throws her hands up in surrender. “Too late to change now. Put something on and come save me if you hear anything that sounds like blunt force trauma.”

“Not funny.” Lexa says, glowering. “And don’t think I forgot about the whole you’re an alcoholic thing. We’re going to talk about this.”

“Fine. Fine. Whatever just please put some clothes on and open a window in here. It smells like sex.” The bell rings again. “Coming!” Clarke yells down the stairs and turns to Lexa seriously. “Don’t leave.”

“I’ll do my best not to.” Lexa smiles softly and Clarke closes the distance between them quickly, terrified of the idea. She can’t leave Lexa alone knowing she could disappear at any moment without a potential goodbye kiss. 

“I love you.” Clarke says against Lexa’s lips.

“I love you.” Lexa says and the bell rings again. 

“Oh my god.” Clarke breaks away and makes for the stairs, throwing Lexa a longing gaze over her shoulder before the brunette disappears from view and Clarke calls out again to Finn. “I’m coming!” 

Clarke jogs to the door and unlocks it swinging it open already talking. “I told you, Finn, it’s-Oh. Mom. Hi.” 

“Bad time.” Abby smiles and tilts her head, looking over Clarke’s shoulder into the house. 

“Uhm no. No, come in.” Clarke says a little baffled, opening the door fully for her mother to walk through. “Coffee?” Clarke offers and Abby smiles and nods.

“That sounds wonderful, darling, thank you.” She looks Clarke up and down. “Nice outfit.”

Clarke swallows hard. “Sure. Yeah let me just get it going. Are you hungry too? I haven’t made breakfast yet if you want in on some.”

Abby follows Clarke into the kitchen and seats herself at the small dining table in the corner. “Oh I’m good. Not really a breakfast person.”

“Oh, right.” Clarke shakes her head and tries to steady her breathing, changing gears from an interaction with an angry ex to one with her mom. “Sorry. This morning has just been a little strange.” She explains and reaches for a mug after starting the coffee. 

“Is it because of Lexa?” Her mom asks casually and Clarke drops the mug on the counter in surprise and proceeds to clumsily catch it before it fumbles off the counter. 

“Excuse me?” Clarke asks. She may have cried to her mother about a person she loved leaving her but she has never once mentioned the name, Lexa, to anyone. Ever. 

“Lexa.” Her mom says again. I’m assuming you running down here and in a huff expecting Finn as well as your...appearance... means Lexa is back already.”

Clarke can only stare on in shock. 

“I was hoping I’d get to talk to you before she came back.” Clarke’s mom continues to explain. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Seems your father was right.”

“Wha…?” Clarke swallows hard. “Dad?”

“Yes, Clarke.”

“Dad knew about Lexa?” Clarke asks, her vision zeroing in on her mother's eyes. Now that she’s focusing so tightly on her, she can see her mother's eyes are red and swollen with dark circles under them. A sadness in her look that Clarke hadn’t seen since the first months after her father’s death. “Mom?”

“Your dad met Lexa the day he died.” 

“What?” Clarke breathed. She can see her mother's lips move, feel her chest heaving, smell brewing coffee but all she can hear are her mother’s last words on repeat.  _ Your dad met Lexa the day he died.  _

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice broke Clarke’s shock and the sounds of the room came back to her then. “Clarke are you okay?” Lexa was standing timidly in the entry of the kitchen, her hands reaching cautiously towards Clarke. Her eyes dancing between Clarke and Abby. 

“I…” Clarke starts to move towards Lexa but is stopped by Lexa holding her palms up to Clarke, indicating her to stop. 

“Stay where you are, Clarke. You’ll cut yourself.” Lexa says. “Where’s your broom?”

“Cut?” Clarke questions and looks to her empty hands in confusion. She sees the broken remnants of the mug on the floor around her then. “Oh. I didn’t realize.”

“It’s ok.” Clarke’s mom says softly. “Kinda dropped a bomb on you, huh?” 

Clarke swallows and nods. Looking to a silent Lexa. Both of them questioning each other with their eyes.  _ Can Abby see Lexa? _

“You must be Lexa.” Abby says, startling both of them and answering their silent question. 

“I...uh...Yes.” Lexa stumbles. “Sorry. Yes, hi. Nice to meet you.” 

Abby smiles softly and reaches out for Lexa’s hand. “Nice to finally meet you.” She says, holding Lexa’s hand for a tad too long. “I hear you’ve been watching over my daughter for quite some time.”

“Oh.” Lexa says. “I mean.” She looks to Clarke in a panic not knowing what to say.

“Mom?” Clarke questions. “What’s going on?” 

“Let’s get this cleaned up and some coffee in us first.” Abby says, standing to reach for the broom Clarke kept between the fridge and the wall.

Lexa and Clarke watched on in disbelieving silence as Abby calmly swept up the broken ceramic and pulled the cream from the fridge. She methodically lined up three new mugs and stood between the gaping couple to patiently watch the coffee finish brewing. “Do you take sugar?” She asks Lexa.

“Uh. No ma’am.” Lexa says softly. 

“Good. It’s bad for you. Clarke eats too much sugar.”

“Mom.” Clarke chides. 

“You do.” Abby says seriously while reaching for the pot of sugar and dispensing even amounts in two cups, leaving the third empty. “Me too.” 

“Mom, would you please explain what the hell is happening?” Clarke beggs, unable to take the not knowing any longer. 

“Patience, Clarke.” Abby says. “The coffee’s nearly there. Then, couch. We’ll chat there.”

Once they are seated in Clarke’s small living room, Clarke and Lexa on the loveseat, Abby in the chair that Clarke’s father used to sit in while he read.

“So…” Abby starts. “You’re father died.”

“I know mom.” Clarke says, annoyed. “I lived through that nightmare too.”

“Let me finish.” Abby says and Lexa reaches across the space between Clarke and herself to place her hand reassuringly on Clarke’s thigh. 

“Like I said.” Abby continues. “You’re father died and the first person there was the young lady sitting beside you.” Abby nods towards Lexa. “We don’t know why. Maybe it was because she had been living with us for so long at that point that even though she is attached to you, she was still very much in tune with Jake and I as well.” 

“Mom?” Clarke asks before turning to Lexa. “Is that true?”

“Clarke.” Lexa says softly, turning to face her. “I’m sorry I never told you. I didn’t know how to without hurting you further. I had planned on it but...our time was cut short soon after.”

“Is that what you meant when you said you couldn’t save him? When you showed up after dad died and you were...kinda alive?” Clarke asks. “Why didn’t you say something the past couple days?”

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa pleads, tears filling her eyes. “How was I supposed to tell you that I talked to your dead dad? That he hated me?”

“He hated you?” Clarke squeaks, tears filling her eyes.

“He told me to fuck off.” Lexa shrugs. “I was ashamed and scared. I didn’t want you to hurt more than you already were.”

“He’s sorry for that, by the way.” Abby interjects. “You have to understand. He had just died and was learning not only can he never see his wife and child again but that a young woman had been “haunting his baby girl.”’ Abby air quotes. “His words not mine.” 

“His words?” Clarke skoffs. “What are you saying, mom? That Dad talked to you after he died?”

“He did.” Abby nods and Clarke gapes at both her mother and her ghost. “And he stayed with me for six years.” 

“He came to me after he died.” Abby explained. “Once we had gotten past the initial shock of him being dead. He told me about the ghost that had seduced our daughter.”

Lexa chokes on her coffee and Clarke moves to protest. Abby lifts her hand to stop them both and continues. “We then watched you for the next several months fall apart. Yes your father died but there was another part of you that was missing.” Abby looks to Lexa and frowns. “Your father unintentionally stole Lexa’s...energy...so that he could be with me after he died.”

“What?” Lexa and Clarke ask together.

“ Lexa tried to lead your father away from the crash.” Abby sighs. “And he refused. He went back without her and turned himself into what Lexa warned him against. A ghost I guess. There’s not really a nice name for it. And in doing so…” Abby looks to Lexa with pain in her features. “In doing so we believe he took Lexa’s energy or whatever we would call it, disabling her from coming to you.”

“Mom.” Clarke gasps and reaches for Lexa’s hand.

“We figured it out pretty early but couldn’t stop ourselves. He was the love of my life.” Abby tries her best to level with Clarke. “But after a while we noticed how your father being with me in lieu of Lexa being with you affected you.” Abby shakes her head and sips from her mug. “I wish I could regret it. But the past six years with your father were the best I’ve ever had.”

“Jesus, Mom.” Clarke says. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I essentially stole your love for mine.” Abby whines. “It was obvious Lexa was gone after a few weeks and...and it just made sense that your father had stolen what...whatever energy Lexa needed to be by your side.”

“So you just left me to be on my own so you could have a few years with dad?” Clarke asks spitefully. 

“Wouldn’t you do the same for Lexa?” Abby asks.

“It’s not the same.” Clarke argues and turns to Lexa. “Did you have any say in this?”

“I...don’t...think so.” Lexa hesitates. “I remember talking to your dad. Begging him to not go back to the crash and then I was with you. I don’t remember the time I spent between our time gaps.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about dad then?” Clarke asks. “If I could see Lexa, why couldn’t I see dad?”

“We tried sweetheart.” Abby answered. “Your father was with us every time I visited you or vice versa.”

“Fuck.” Clarke cursed and wiped the tears forming in her eyes. 

“Your father’s gone now, Clarke.” Abby said. “He’s gone in the hopes that Lexa can come back to you. It took some time but both your father and I have come to realize how important she is to you.” She wipes a tear of her own away from her cheek. “You need her and me holding onto your father was hurting you further. We had already lived a life together. It was due time for you to live the life you wanted with the person…” Abby pauses and tilts her head to Lexa. “or ghost, who makes you happy.”

“Mom!” Clarke cries out and closes the space between herself and her mother, falling to her knees and burying her face in her lap. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t ever apologize for the extra time I got to have with your father.” Abby says. “If anything I need to apologize for the time I stole from the two of you.”

“So how can you see me?” Lexa asks. Breaking the silence they had fallen into after Clarke had fallen into her mother’s arms. 

“My guess is that...since Jake intentionally left with his mind set on leaving you his energy to be with Clarke...that you have absorbed both his and your...lifeforce…”

“So…” Lexa urges.

“So…” Abby says. “I think you are alive, Lexa Woods.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whelp. I got some requests for another chapter so I wrote this quick little epilogue for you all. As always all mistakes are my own and hope you enjoy :)

Shmepilogue 

Lexa was...kind of alive. Mostly alive. She wasn’t sure. Sometimes Clarke would reach for her and she was cool to the touch again or her hand would pass through her. More often than not though, Lexa was warm and solid and hungry. Hungry for life. Hungry for Clarke. 

Finn had shown up shortly after Abby had informed them of Jake “borrowing” Lexa’s life force and the brunette had greeted him at the door. That didn’t go over so well. Apparently telling someone you were their current girlfriend's long lost love and ex were upsetting words. Finn started to yell and Clarke appeared behind Lexa in an attempt to calm the situation. In the end, Lexa sat awkwardly across from Abby in the living room while they listened to the muffled conversation the pair were having outside. It wasn’t pretty and Lexa still wasn’t sure about Clarke leaving Finn for her. She wasn’t entirely convinced about the whole, living thing yet. But if Lexa was going to be around more like she used to, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved to keep up a romantic relationship with Clarke. It had been selfish to sleep with Clarke in the first place but Lexa was desperate. She thought she was going to disappear soon enough for another six years. She was going to get as much Clarke as she could in the time that she had. 

Eight months later and though Lexa’s solidity may have faltered, she never fully left. She woke next to Clarke, showered with her, ate with her, made love to her, and just  _ lived _ with her. Lexa even began going into the nursery with Clarke. She was paid under the table to do all the low level tasks around the nursery which wasn’t ideal but she got to look through the milky glass of the greenhouses periodically and find Clarke’s reassuring figure throughout the day. Lexa could never really work a normal job as long as she continued to be here with Clarke. She was technically still deceased. Her social security number was still attached to the body buried some thirty miles away. That kind of put a hindrance to officially applying for any job that wasn’t under the table. 

Clarke seemed not to mind though. She was existing on her single income before. As long as Lexa didn’t take up some extravagant habit, Clarke argued, they would be fine. Lexa thought that suddenly living again was a pretty extravagant habit but held her tongue. 

After two months of Lexa being “solid”(Clarke coined the term fairly early not wanting to pressure Lexa into claiming a second life), Clarke began bringing Lexa up in conversation with her friends. 

“We met at work.” Clarke soundboarded off Lexa.

“Where else?” She grinned and nodded in encouragement. 

“Shut up.” Clarke said, rolling her eyes and continuing her pacing in the kitchen. “We met at work and it was love at first site.”

“Those tomato starts really set the scene.” Lexa teased and Clarke snatched up the mail on the counter to fling at Lexa’s snarky grin.

“Ok.” Clarke groaned. “Not love at first site but lust.”

“Definitely lust.” Lexa agreed.

“Babe.” Clarke chides before continuing. “We’ve been flirting and I’ve been keeping it under wraps because…”

“Finn?” Lexa offers.

“Yes! I wasn’t trying to jump into something new so soon after a messy breakup but you were just so...well you.”

“Undeniably charming.” Lexa smiled. “Like a magnet.” 

“Oh my god.” Clarke rolls her eyes. “Well, yes but they don’t need to know that.”

Lexa throws her head back laughing and forty-eight hours later she was seated across Raven and Octavia at the trio's favorite haunt. It was harder than Lexa thought it would be to act like she didn’t know every intimate detail of their relationships with Clarke. She smiled and did her best to act fully enraptured as Raven told the story of them getting Clarke wasted her first friday night in her dorm. Lexa was there. She guided Clarke to her bed from the communal bathrooms after emptying her stomach. Or when Octavia told the story of Clarke’s first kiss during their freshman homecoming dance and how badly Clarke biffed it. Lexa was there too. Clarke biffed it on purpose because Lexa had actually given her her first kiss two weeks prior. 

In the end they liked her. Raven gave Lexa her signature wink and Octavia threatened her in the bathroom before the two friends left giggling and arm and arm. Clarke called it a success as well and they celebrated it well into the evening with drunken retellings of the evening and crashing on the couch in each other's arms when they got home. They spent the next day hungover as hell and boxing up the rest of Clarke’s alcohol in a cardboard box labeled, “For Emergencies Only”. They tossed it in the creepiest corner of the basement. 

Two months later they had officially “u-hauled” in the public eye and were celebrating with brunch with their friends when Lexa dropped Clarke’s tablet in shock. If she wasn’t a ghost already, Lexa would feel more comfortable saying she had turned a ghostly white. Octavia actually noticed first.

“What is it, Lex?” She asked.

“I uhm.” Lexa halted and looked for the only face that could ground her in this moment. “Clarke.”

Clarke moved quickly to Lexa’s side and picked up the dropped tablet, reading it’s screen. “Guys?” She said, addressing their friends. “Can we get a moment?” She placed the tablet on the coffee table, the local newspaper left open on it’s screen.

Raven and Octavia agreed enthusiastically and made for the kitchen while Clarke led Lexa to their bedroom where they proceeded to cry in each other's arms. 

They attended Lexa’s sister's funeral four days later from a safe distance. She was eighty-three years old and buried next to Lexa. 

The next week Lexa and Clarke were both certain that Lexa was going to disappear again. Clarke was cold again when she fell asleep, Lexa stealing her warmth instead of supplying her own. Lexa stayed awake for nearly three days, terrified that once she closed her eyes, she would open them six years later again. They grieved for Lexa’s siter, Anya. They grieved for the potential loss of each other. But then Lexa slept after days awake and woke up only ten hours later, Clarke looking down at her with love in her eyes. She stopped fearing her episodes of etherealism after that. 

At the one year mark, Abby showed up with a printed certificate from the web deeming her an ordained minister of the church of Dude. Lexa laughed, Clarke scratched her head but neither complained. She married them in their backyard and although they couldn’t file any of the legal paperwork, it was real. Octavia and Raven even showed up with their significant others to act as witnesses and signed the falsified document Abby had painstakingly put together for them. 

It didn’t take too many years after that for the age difference to become noticeable again. Lexa was still un-challengingly fit and in her early twenties while Clarke was nearing her mid thirties. They were still young, Lexa just looked...younger. They chalked it up to good genes with their friends but after eight more years and a still pristine looking Lexa ran laps around Clarke, people became suspicious. Raven and Octavia had moved away at that point with their own families and only stayed in contact through rushed facetime calls and hurried messages. So Lexa could do nothing but smile softly at her wife when she suggested they move somewhere foreign and act out the sugar momma/baby fantasy they were constantly teasing each other about. 

They tried Iceland, the Netherlands, France, but ended up in Spain, a thirty minute drive for Seville. Lexa insisted on Abby joining them and the three of them worked the flower shop Clarke had bought in the city. 

Lexa loved the smell of the cobblestone outside of the shop during the summer heat, the way Clarke’s hair had gained a silver streak over the years and most of all, existing next to Clarke. 

When Lexa died again, she was afraid. She never had the time to be afraid the first time. She didn’t have Clarke around to fear for. So when a flash flood hit them on their way home from the city one night and were pushed off the road, Lexa fought tooth and nail to pull the knocked out Clarke from the wreckage. She saw the blood, the split in Clarke’s skull from the impact but refused to accept it. Lexa pulled Clarke free and through the water and debris until they were off the road and on higher ground. She pulled Clarke into her lap and kissed her softly as she felt her pulse slow to a stop under her hands. 

When authorities finally arrived on scene, they couldn’t see Lexa. All they found was the battered remains of a blonde woman on a hillside.

Lexa felt the nearly forgotten shudder up her spine when she fully accepted that Clarke was gone. She panicked and tried to fight it. Clung to Clarke’s limp body and wept but it overtook her anyways. She was in the rain, covered in blood and filth and screaming for Clarke until the universe stole her away from her love again. Stole her away and placed her the sixty feet Lexa had laboriously dragged Clarke from only minutes earlier. She was standing facing the wreckage of the car, Clarke’s body laid out on the hillside beyond with paramedics walking towards her, stretcher in hand. 

“Lex?” A familiar voice asked from behind and cool fingers wrapped around her wrist.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I broke my toe exercising because exercise is the devils work and found myself with some extra time on my hands(feet). Happy Halloween and hug your ghosts for me.


End file.
